The Face I Wear

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[Verse 1]

Before the sun has touched the pit,

The telephone begins.

A name, a clause, a broken rule,

A choice nobody wins.

The night shift turns beneath the lights.

The first trucks start to climb.

I read the words, then read again,

As though I could buy time.

There are hundreds at the gate

And thousands farther on,

Living by the work we keep

And fearing when it’s gone.

So I button up my collar,

Put the worry in its place,

And walk into another day

With certainty upon my face.

[Chorus]

They need me to be certain,

So I never let it show.

I give the answer clearly

While the questions only grow.

I count the homes behind each choice,

The ones I cannot see.

One careless word, one line ignored,

Could bring it to its knees.

It isn’t that I do not feel.

It is because I feel too much.

So I hold the line with steady hands

And pray I judge it just.

This is not the worst day.

No final rise or fall.

It is only an ordinary day,

And I must carry all.

[Verse 2]

“Just this once,” the voices say,

“It’s only one small thing.”

But every door I open once

May never close again.

They see the rule beneath my name,

The answer I defend.

They see a man who will not bend,

Not where the bending ends.

They do not see the consequence

Unfolding in my head:

The next request, the precedent,

The contract by a thread.

Across the boardroom table

There are tired and honest eyes.

No villains counting profit

While another family cries.

We speak in costs and contracts,

But every number breathes.

A wage becomes a family.

A lost job never leaves.

[Chorus]

They need me to be certain,

So I never let it show.

I give the answer firmly

When inside I do not know.

I count the homes behind each choice,

The food upon each plate.

And every road that saves one man

May seal another’s fate.

It isn’t that I do not feel.

It is because I feel too much.

Every “no” remains inside me.

Every judgment leaves its touch.

This is not the worst day.

There is no warning bell.

It is only an ordinary day

Of choosing what may hurt us least

And bearing it as well.

[Bridge]

My family waits beyond the pit,

Beyond the ringing phone.

They get the part of me that’s left

When I finally come home.

I say that I am listening.

I try to leave the day.

But half my mind is on the haul roads,

Still tracing what may break.

The benches cut across the earth.

The dust hangs in the light.

I see the choices made at noon

Still moving through the night.

Lord, keep me from becoming

Only iron, ink and stone.

Do not let this weight convince me

I must carry it alone.

Keep me faithful to my family.

Keep my judgment clean and true.

Help me do what must be done

Without forgetting who I answer to.

[Final Chorus]

They need me to be certain,

So I never let it show.

I wear the face that says, “I know,”

While a thousand questions grow.

It isn’t that I do not feel.

It is because I feel too much.

I carry every angry word,

Every life my choices touch.

This is not the worst day.

No great tragedy has come.

It is only an ordinary day—

Another duty quietly done.

[Outro]

The night shift turns beneath the lights.

Another page is signed.

The haul trucks move along the ridge

With thunder in my mind.

I leave the building looking calm,

The dust still hanging heavy.

Tomorrow I will wear the face

And make my voice sound steady.

Just another ordinary day.

Just one more silent prayer.